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Shall I Get Married While Having a Chronic Illness?


As-Salamu Aleikom wa rahmatullahi wa
barakatuh. So, you’ve written into us at AboutIslam to ask about an illness that you have at the moment which could potentially stay the same, but there’s also the possibility
that it could get worse and that’s something that affects
your health every day. But right now your concern is that
you want to get married and you have disclosed your illness to some extent to your potential suitor. But you’re concerned about divulging everything to him in case he judges you for this and maybe things will not work out. But at the same time you’re 34 and you’re thinking that, you know, time is running out at
this point. So, first of all, I want to empathize with you from a personal perspective and I want to advise you from
personal perspective as well as a professional
perspective because I too also have an autoimmune illness as well and that could potentially stay the
same or it could also get worse as well. So I have an understanding of what
you might be going through from a personal
perspective as well. And I kind of like to advise you
from the things that I’ve learnt as well having gone
through a similar situation as well, as well as giving you the advice
from a professional perspective as well. So, it might be that we have different illnesses, but the
consequences ultimately are the same as an illness that
could stay the same as something that could get
worse. Adjustments of this kind of illness
can take some time, many many years. I know you’ve been diagnosed some 11
years now, but the consequences of this are ongoing as well so I
know that this can take time as well and this process of adjustment can take a long time. And you know your dip in and out of feeling good about it and feeling bad about it as well. But ultimately it gives you a new
lens through which you can view your life
as well and this can be a positive thing as
well. Often we can get caught in this
negative trap of thinking of all the negative
things, how things can go wrong along the
lines as well. But we also need to see that we can
also view things from a more positive
view as well. We can take things day to day and appreciate the good things that we have in our lives and rather than focusing on what might be at the end, it gives us the opportunity to sit down and appreciate what we have today. More so than perhaps people who
don’t have these kind of illnesses that
don’t really get the opportunity to really
appreciate what they have. When you have an illness like this
it gives you that opportunity to really sit down and appreciate what you have on a
day to day basis. Plus you never know what’s
going to come tomorrow. So, people who don’t have this
otherwise might not appreciate life in the same way that people who have an illness that
could affect their lives negatively in the future might have as well. But certainly this uncertainty is
difficult to deal with and that’s the same with anything in life. Uncertainty is known in
psychological literature to be a major cause of difficulties in people’s lives. But having this illness can give you this opportunity to focus on today, to focus on the here and now and you need to focus on what’s going on today and how you can make things good for
yourself today rather than looking back at what you had or looking forward to what might
potentially go wrong in the future. So this is really the key is to
focus on the here and now, to focus on what you can do today. You can use this in a positive way to avoid things like
procrastination, for example, because you never know what
tomorrow’s going to bring. So instead use this illness as a means to better yourself today and to do the best you can to please Allah today rather than saying, you know, Oh, I want to learn something new, I want to learn a new Sura in the Qoran, for example, I want to better
myself in this way or another, you do it today rather than waiting
till tomorrow because you don’t know what
tomorrow’s going to bring. And we can apply this generally to everybody. Everybody goes through this when, you know, the Hereafter is uncertain for all
of us. We don’t know if the deeds that
we’ve done are good enough to grant us entry to Jannah or whether Allah is not going to
look favorably on them. So we deal, everyone deals with this uncertainty every day anyway. But we can use illness as a means to better ourselves and purify ourselves on a daily basis because we have this illness constantly in mind. And instead of using the illness as a means to avoid doing certain things like getting married, for example, we can use it as a means to better ourselves on a daily basis and instead be seeking the rewards of bearing this burden with patience every day and we know that the rewards of
patients are very great as well. And having an illness automatically gives you the chance to earn that reward on a daily basis and we know that enduring illnesses or any burdens in one’s life can be used as an expiation of sins as well. So there are so many
benefits to having such an illness as well. Now obviously it’s your choice
whether you choose to disclose any more details of your illness to your
potential spouse, but obviously one good thing about disclosing it to him is that you know that if you disclose it to him, the full details of it, If he chooses to marry you then he’s choosing to marry you for who you
are and he’s not judging you based on
your illness. So do keep that in mind when you’re choosing whether to disclose it to
him or not. Ultimately, you might have
to do it anyway and if you want to open
up about this from the beginning then you can know that the spouse that you’re going to
choose is going to be a good one for you. If he chooses to go ahead with the marriage because he’s
judging you for who you are and not your illness. So those are some things for you to
contemplate. May Allah grant you ease in a difficult situation and ease the burden of your illness. And may He grant you a righteous
spouse from Jannah who will be the coolness of your eyes in this life and the next. Amin.

4 thoughts on “Shall I Get Married While Having a Chronic Illness?

  1. Aslam alekm may Allah Kareem bless you I'm from Pakistan and my English is weak so I don't whole talk , so respectiv is that your mean your full ill no one want to marriage with you , if this is the problem then so respectiv I'm married I'm can do 2nd , please please don't mind if my talk feel not good , I prayer for you InshaAllah

  2. Salaams For any Chronic Illness seek the help of a good Homeopath in ur city
    Most Chronic illnesses ate amenable to Homeopathy even Auto Immune Disease
    Inshallah

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