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My Name is Kevin Jubbal & This is the My Secret | Life of a Surgeon – Ep. 10


My name is Kevin Jubbal and this is Life of
a Surgeon. Those of you who follow me on Instagram may
already know, I’ve been going through a lot of challenges in the last one to two months. And kind of all over the place, multiple things
going on, one of which is with my health. Now, with any challenging time, there comes
a lot of introspection, growth, changes in your life… and one of the realizations that
I came to or one of the changes that I wanna make is with regards to fear. As humans, we all feel fear, it’s an emotion,
universal, but how we respond to it and how we choose to decide to live with regards to
fear is ultimately up to us. And I have decided that I do not wanna be
controlled by fear and I wanna live a life that is free from the toxic effects of fear. So, today I am being totally real with you
guys and saying, my real name is Kevin Jubbal and the health issue I’ve been dealing with
is Crohn’s disease. Those of you who watched my story video on
the Med School Insider’s channel, you may know that I alluded to some health issues,
some family issues, some financial issues, during my freshman year of college. The health issue I was referring to was Crohn’s
disease, that was essentially – I had an acute flare I have been a normal kid up top that
point and them boom, had symptoms, got really sick, lost a lot of weight, there was a lot
of blood, I was in the hospital for a while and it was – until this day, because of that
and the other things going on in my life at the same time, still remains the most challenging
moment in my life. And for those of you who don’t know, Crohn’s
disease is a type of inflammatory bowel disease. There are two types of inflammatory bowel
disease also known as IBD; one is Ulcerative Colitis or UC and one is Crohn’s Disease or
CD. Now, ever since then, I thought I was this
huge badass because I used the negativity of that moment in my life to just fuel me. And I went into neuroscience which was one
of the hardest pre-med majors at my school and I did really well. And I had this purpose as a drive to become
a pediatric gastroenterologist to help other kids with similar issues. And I did very well in the MCAT and then I
went into med school and I got to my – well, my top choices for med school and I was so
excited. And then I did well in med school, I did well
in my boards and I published a lot of papers and I started a biomedical incubator, I
started Med School Insiders and I merged into plastic surgery. And I felt like this was this like superpower
that I had in a way. But looking back, it’s actually just fear
again, because I was afraid of being inadequate or feeling broken or just not whole in some
way. And me working my butt off was my coping mechanism. So, instead of dealing with those issues directly,
I essentially dulled myself and distracted myself and said “hey, I’m just gonna work,
work, work. And I’m gonna be happy because I’m gonna accomplish
this, this, and this”. But now it’s kind catching up to me and I’m
realizing that, you know, I’m in plastic surgery residency now and I got these other responsibilities. At what point does the accomplishments become
enough to say hey, like you’re good. You don’t need to worry about not being good
enough or like having something wrong with you or not being able to accomplish the same
stuff that other people can. ‘Cause I think I’ve proven to myself and to
the world at large, or at least that was my goal at the beginning to say “hey, I can do anything
you guys can do, if not more”. And the fact that I even needed to make that
statement to myself or to others is another issue in on itself, but what I’m saying is this
all stems from fear. And going back to the home using my real name,
Kevin Jubbal or even admitting to the public that I have Crohn’s disease. It’s scary because I’m afraid that people
may use it against me, maybe my professional options are gonna be limited. People are gonna think that oh, because of
your Crohn’s disease, you’re not gonna be a good surgeon or you’re not gonna be able
to do this or that… but I think that’s wrong. For people who actually believe that, you
can take a look at my CV or my accomplishments. But regardless, I don’t think I should really
care. But ultimately, fear holds you back and it
held me back. And I promise, starting with this video today
and moving forward, I’m gonna be more real with you guys. I’m not gonna just show the great glamorous,
glitzy moments of my life and being a resident and the life of Kevin Jubbal is so awesome. There is this one comment on one of my earlier
vlog videos and the commenter said something on the lines of “you love every minute of
your life” and that is not true at all, I have hard days just like everyone else. And I think part of that is this bias that
we face with social media where we wanna show the best version of ourselves and the happy
moments and how great our life is. And we compromise by not showing people the
whole picture, by saying, “hey, I’m human too, I have my good days, but I also have
my bad days. I have these great strengths, but I also have
these faults”. And the reason I’m so inclined to share this
personal stuff with you, when I was 18-years-old and scared shitless, no pun intended, I looked
to people that had IBD, again Ulcerative Colitis or Crohn’s and were successful, despite it
or because of it. These were like football players, politicians,
successful businessmen who were able to accomplish a great deal despite having this perceived
limitation. And I’ve gotten far enough now in my life
where I’ve already gotten into med school and residency and I shouldn’t even have those
fears anymore, but for some reason I do. And I think it’s my turn now to pay it forward,
to say hey, for those of you, maybe you’re a pre-med, maybe you’re in high school, maybe
you’re – maybe you’re even in med school and you’re having some health issues or some other
difficulties, like you’re not alone, you can do this. And I did it too and I’ll be sharing with
you guys what I’ve learned and what helped me and what didn’t help me and what I think
you should do and what may not be so helpful. It just doesn’t make sense for me to keep
a secret when it could be helping other people figuring out their lives, giving them hope,
things of that sort. Now, one of the other ideas I had was, how
awesome would it be if we started a fund and people could donate to this Med School Insiders
fund and that money would go to a charity. And that charity could change every month
or every quarter or every year. And I think that just given the topic of this
video, maybe we should start with the Crohn’s and Colitis Foundation of America, The CCFA. That was hugely instrumental in helping me
get a grip on my life and understand what was going on back in 2009 when I first got
sick. That’s before I started med-school, that’s
before I had any idea about any of these things and the Crohn’s and Colitis Foundation with
patient education with support groups et cetera. Symposiums, that was super helpful for me
and they also support research. So, I’m thinking you know, maybe part of the
Patreon funds will go to a charity every month, but I’m open to other ideas as well, let me
know what you think. I’m scared as hell of releasing this video
and saying “hey, my name is Kevin Jubbal and I have Crohn’s disease”, but I think is the
right thing to do. I know that video is going to be polarizing,
some of you guys are gonna love it and some of you guys are gonna say “go fuck yourself”
and that’s alright, I don’t have to make everyone happy. I do hope that this has helped at least one
person to understand that fear is not something that should control your life and to understand
and embrace getting outside of your comfort zone and doing what you believe is the right
thing. I’ll see you guys in the next one.

100 thoughts on “My Name is Kevin Jubbal & This is the My Secret | Life of a Surgeon – Ep. 10

  1. UC forced me to drop out of my place at Oxford, interesting to hear the 'other side' of the person who stuck with it. Good luck with your condition

  2. Sounding quite Adlerian man. Good for you on becoming transparent! My buddy has UC so I witness what it can be like. Best of luck with the health man, love the vids.

  3. I appreciate your courage in showing your vulnerability. That is not easy task. Not sure if you read this book, but I suggest reading Daring Greatly by Brene Brown. It has changed my outlook in fear and the impact that vulnerability has. I'm in medical school myself, and I've had my share of ups and downs. I've learned and continue to learn to not fear failure.

  4. "18 year old and scared shitless" Yeah.. sounds about where I am now. I only started high school now, because of some health issues that took me out for a few years. Thank you so much for sharing your struggle, it really does helps. It's much easier to believe you can do it, when other people share their struggles.

  5. DR. K, you inspire so many people every single day, how can someone have any negative thoughts about you? It takes a very big courage to share something so personal, and you have done it to the world. This video didn't change any of my thoughts about you, I in fact have much more respect for you. MSI is my favorite place to go whenever I need motivation to study. You are a huge inspiration especially to a Pre-Med like myself. Prayers for your good health <3

  6. Appreciate your honesty and sincerity, and the theme of fear is just so timely with what I am going through in Med School. Your views make me feel inspired and more determined to work and keep being better at my field. You’re awesome! 👏🏼♥️

  7. Dude, I love you and your channel does great stuff on the daily. Thanks for demonstrating what courage means and sharing it with all of us <3

  8. Dr. Kevin Jubbal, you are inspirational!! In an era of displaying the “perfect life” on social media, it took a LOT of courage to open up about your struggles. Frankly, before watching this video, I really thought that your life was perfect lol. It’s amazing how much you have achieved in your life despite your health issues and I have a feeling you will go on to achieve much more because of your attitude and how you approach challenges. I’m facing a few challenges in my life, and hopefully I will practice your message of rising above fear everyday. Stay strong 😊

  9. Super amazing video! Thanks Doctor J! This will give others hope, who are dealing with similar issues! I don't know how bad or regularly your flare ups are, but it is interesting to me that you went into surgery, an area of medicine where you are a bit more segmented off from seeing patients compared to other specialties. Would you have been able to see patients for 10 hours a day in examination rooms, while coping with emergent bathroom issues?
    I would have loved to have gone into healthcare, but i also have a GI issue and it was not possible to do. I have been successful in the tech world, but a computer isn't going to show you appreciation back like a human would.
    Cheers!
    ( PS – I am still not "right" in that department )

  10. I just love your authenticity in this video. I applaud you for facing your fear Kevin :). If you don't mind me sharing this (afterall you are a doctor – not sure how you will take it) I like to view dis-ease from a holistic perspective. For your cronh's highly recommend you look into functional medecine – some of the functional medecine practitioners' work I really look up to: DR Mark Hyman, Dr Amy Myers (https://www.amymyersmd.com/2015/02/inflammatory-bowel-disease), Dr Susan Blum, Dr Axe (https://draxe.com/crohns-disease-diet/), Dr Chris Kresser, among others 🙂 Anyway – awesome content – keep it coming 🙂

  11. Hey Kevin! I stumbled across this channel and I'm so happy for the success of Med School Insiders. I still remember when you had less than 100 subscribers. I think it's brave that you decided to make this video, share your story, and go by your real name/start showing your face (yay!). You are inspiring people in so many ways, and I'm so sorry for the pain you feel. I'm wishing you the best of luck and I hope you continue to hold onto that positivity. Congrats on finally earning the title of doctor!

  12. Whoa. You got my respect Dr.Jubbal , 100% of it. I look up to you now , and no I don't have a diseae but if you can do it so can I !

  13. I have a lot of health issues as well, and I own my own business, so I get this so much! I am so happy you shared, your channel is wonderful cheers!

  14. This is amazing Dr Jubbal.This video is my favorite of all your videos. Its uplifting, motivating and thought provoking at the same time. Connected so much to it .Loved it.Thanks.

  15. Hello Dr. Kevin Jubbal. Thank you for creating Med School Insiders, you have been my inner voice that makes me feel like it is possible. Fear has been my heavy chain, and thank you a million for all the time you have invested in creating those videos. I love this, and support the idea of funding and I love this.. You have helped me, and fear has controlled me with my weight, my finances, and so many aspects of my life..I had a little tear thinking how amazing and freeing it was to do this video for you. And so many ANDS, well I just thank you so very much for all that you have done. You are one of the many voices that is my voice of encouragement to continue with school when I feel like it is too late, or that I am not prepared.

  16. Hey Kevin, I'm loving your videos. To me, you're a huge motivation. I'm from Australia and I've just finished my final exams and gotten my results back and had to select university options. Please continue committing your spare time to this channel and I think you'd like a book called "When breath becomes air" by Paul Kalanithi.

  17. Woooow, I can absolutely relate to this. Thank you so much for the transparency. I always viewed you as this super perfect person and thank you for being transparent. This is a great motivation as a person pursuing a career as a physician. Thank you

  18. im a pre med student and im trying to accomplish my M,.D before my grandparents get to there point they are in their mid 60s and the pressure is real and im trying to stay afloat balancing memories and school and work and a newborn. 2 jobs and pregnant and school I was in FEAR. But its important to cherish each moment and my baby has been a big contribute for that since I have been busy and im greatful!

  19. Sending you lots of Love, Health, and Blessings! Thank you for your bravery and sharing your story! ❤️💙💜

  20. It's awesome to meet you at last, Dr. J! Your videos are helping me stay sane and focused in law school. The confidence and calmness you project are so inspiring to me, and even more so now that I know what you've had to struggle through. One of your videos always sets me straight when I think things are just falling apart.

  21. Sorry for seeing it late BUT u shouldn't at all be afraid from what we think because for ME U INSPIRED me to go on and get through my own struggles . U are a one Good fighter and a Doctor thanks u ! I hope one day i'll be like u ✔

  22. Loved this video! you are truly inspiring you should be so proud of yourself! THANK YOU for being someone i could look up to and get motivated by

  23. This has been one of the most relevant videos I've ever seen. I developed chronic health issues in my first year of University (2017) that inevitably caused me to fall into a deep depression that I'm still fighting (It's been 10 months since the issues started). But after all the contact I've made with doctors who have inspired me, I'm now pursuing medicine instead of engineering. I still have a long way to go, but just knowing that you've done it and so much more, I have hope that I can do it too. This video helped me so much. Thank you. Wishing you all the best.

  24. Try a whole food plant-based diet. I read that it can prevent, cure, and reverse many diseases.
    Its worth giving it a shot

  25. Hi there! Thanks for sharing, God bless ur spirit

    Do you have an email we can contact you through? Or can you make the DM in twitter open for example.
    Thanks again

  26. I'm so glad you made this video, I needed to see it badly as up to this point I've been blind to having a similar coping mechanism.. thanks!

  27. I’d rather have a doctor who understands pain and illness and navigating the medical system from a patient perspective, than one who has never faced serious health issues. Your perspective and experience with IBD will help you help your patients. Being brave enough to go public will help even more people. Wishing you continued success! Much respect!

  28. Thanks Kevin! It's nice to know that we're learning from a human being instead of a superhero. It makes the success seem more achievable.

  29. You are and have been an inspiration for a very long time…a truly supportive insider…and very brave to open up to the world like that especially when it might result in some professional problems like you mentioned…thank you for sharing…and know you have a lot of people cheering for you and thankful to you…you already have inspired many 🙂

  30. IT's hard to go out there and speak about truth, your health and your thought.
    You are right to be fearless because life is too short to be burden by a thought of fear.
    Very inspiring.
    Very interesting content <3 New subbie pre-med student after many years of studying in different field.

  31. After years of pain and bleeding, finally diagnosed with Crohns in 2006 along with other diseases. Finishing my masters and becoming a CRNA there were moments of doubt of how do I go through this disease while someone is in surgery but I didn’t let it get the best of me. 7 years after that I applied to medical school and became an Anesthesiologist. It’s all how you view your illness and keep a reminder of I have this disease but it doesn’t have me. All the best to you and I’m happy you are speaking about this disease that once was unheard of.

  32. Man, if I could make you feel better about yourself of all your perceived inadequacies, and take it all away.. I would.. in a heart beat. Most people aren't even half the man that you are, and i'm proud that you're name is Kevin Jubbal with Crohn's disease. You're not alone either; Never forget that.

  33. Dr. Jubbal, thank you so much for this video! Thank you for being real and upfront, especially for me being a post-med.grad…Thank you for your inspiration and spreading your light!

  34. Thank you for being real to us. I am currently in college working towards a bachelor’s degree and interested in going to med school. I’m scared but I’m definitely going for it. Thank you very much. You are amazing!

  35. Wow, I commented on a previous video without knowing this history of your struggles, it's apparent to see now why you are one of the "greats". At least an element of why.
    You should certainly never dismiss, hide, fear nor dismiss the struggles of life. These are animating fires that help forge the people we become. An ease of living, doesn't often, produce the inspiring people we are blessed to find in life.
    So, good on you man, keep using that energy fueled by fear to forge on through. You inspire many people and every one of them certainly support and wish you the best.

  36. Just subscribed and found your videos! I commend you are your strength and realization that fear does not and should not control any aspect of your life. I have learned to conquer my fears, and as a first year medical student I am still learning how conquer self-doubt and fear in general. I know this video is 6 months old, but I hope you are doing well today despite your illness.

  37. Crohn’s disease ? And you still made plastics residency?? The fuck man. I need to step my game up, I complain about med school but I don’t have any health issues like that.

  38. Sir, you've said what i've been needing to hear. I'm 16, lots of dreams and aspirations but somehow being afraid always crept in to spoil the drive i thought i had. Then, i happen to watch this. Hearing truth from a man with your story is amazing. Thank you so much. God bless you!

  39. Profoundly moved by your generosity of spirit, courage, and transparency. Thank you for all you do. You are a credit to your profession.❤️

  40. I struggled with dysmenorrhea, endometriosis, adenomyosis and IBS for years, and these challenges were unbearable at times. Abdominal flare ups are no joke. Admire you even more, knowing a bit more about your personal health journey. Your work ethic, character, self discipline, and accomplishments are even more impressive in light of all you have had to contend with. Your integrity and your first hand experience with intense suffering, makes you the sort of healer that patients need.

  41. KEVIN JUBBAL! I'm so happy I came across this video! I am grateful to hear your story and love how you've turned your struggles into something so positive. You deserve all your success! I feel super cool for knowing such an amazing person.

  42. I have chronic ulcer and eating disorders and going to med school….scares me but this motivates me 👍

  43. I have never seen a video with 100% positive comments..never before!(I checked every comment for the first time!)
    I had to say this,although this video is older..u are a legend(i mean it);a hard working,kind,truthful,successful,resilient,amazing and beautiful human being..please don't forget this.Keep spreading hope..don't be afraid,May God be with you,always💝
    lots of prayers for you
    (PS I like you even more now,Doc!)

  44. I have UC and am a pre-med bio major—still an undergrad. I’m crying after watching this. I was just recently diagnosed, May 2018. It’s been tough, flare after flare, I still don’t feel as healthy as I’d like to; and I’m still getting used to life with UC at 21. You just opened up a door I didn’t think I had to open. After being initially diagnosed, I doubted my future in medicine given the wrap that med school gets for being brutal. Opening up is how support and awareness begins, and this video has definitely made me realize I don’t have to go into med school being silent about my UC, and that despite its challenges, medical school is still a possibility. Thank you for this!

  45. I wonder if the issues discussed in this video were the impetus for your quitting of residency (so almost a year later). 😮

  46. It's really hard to shake the feeling of what is enough to feel like you've done enough. It's really comforting to hear this from someone who looks from the outside to be so successful.

  47. I'm a patient of Crohn's myself man, was diagnosed at age 7 and I feel it drive me as well! Studying for the MCAT now. Love your channel and the messages you give brotha

  48. Good video. A follow up after leaving medicine would helpful. It would be interesting to have a video on doctors who stopped medicine.

  49. Hi! I’m Cindi Snoddy, an RN who had to retire due to MS. I have a lot of thoughts right now but it is getting late. (Old 3-11 pm and 7p -7a shifts habits die hard. Will catch you on the next one and share. Thanks!

  50. You are amazing, I know I'm LATE and many people most likely have told you that but I hope you actually believe it. I love watching your videos especially on Med School Insiders, I'm not in hs but I am a freshman in college and I'm not pre-med nor anything medical of that sort but I am a business student and I enjoy all the useful information you share with us. I know to make a video like this took some courage and you really did that! You have nothing to prove to anyone except yourself and you are so good, we all see it and I am so happy for all your prosperity and I hope you don't ever go through the pain you went through while getting there. You ARE going to heal and continue being great as life moves on. Also, you are very intelligent, humble and handsome as well…you have so much to offer and I thank you for inspiring me to want to push through even when you don't want to, we are all human and can only do our best. xx

  51. I am also struggling with crohns disease and I am currently a pre med student and this is exactly what I needed to hear right now. Its tough but seeing successful people dealing with the same issue is amazing and inspiring. Thank you for sharing!

  52. Thank you for the video. As a 2nd year med student with bipolar disorder and bpd it makes me want to give myself excuses as to why I can't become a good doctor. I've had my moments of utter despair. But listening to you talk about your illness makes me want to never give up on my dream. Thank you.

  53. I don't know why but I feel empowered right now! And I now confidently believe that "I" will be a "Neurosurgeon"! even if money will be my enemy! Thank you Doctor for inspiring me!

  54. Sir I am type 1 diabetic and I want to become a surgeon .up until now I thought I won't be able to be good surgeon …… But after you shared your story I feel I should do what I want to do and beat the health limitations of my life .

  55. Much respect to you for posting this very personal vid. I went to medical school late (age 35) and was diagnosed with aggressive rheumatoid arthritis several months into my residency. It sidelined a career I'd hoped-for in ER medicine, but I've since built a terrific medical practice focused around chronic illness – and, I have my dog with me in my practice every day! Not sure I can say that there have been many "positives" to being sick, but you make the best of things – I can certainly empathize with patients more, and I'm especially appalled by how poorly we manage pain (and, really, everything else) in those with chronic illness. You certainly chose a challenging residency, regardless of your underlying illness; kudos to you for that. I wish you the best, man. Forge forward free of fear! Cheers from a fellow MD; subscribed.

  56. Dr. Juball you are very inspiring to me.
    You are so used to making yourself adjust your attitude and finding something positive to dwell on – not just despite your situation but in it. And that's amazing!

    (Joshua 1:6-7, Joshua 1:9) – Be strong and very courageous . . . Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.
    I am with you Dr. I'm praying for you. God bless and take care Dr. 💖

  57. Hey Kevin! Im a nurse, I wish all doctors could be like you. Thanks for sharing your story. Very inspiring. Wish i knew about your channel sooner.

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